someone owes me an orgasm
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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