you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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