I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
