I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
