I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
