i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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