i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
