Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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