Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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