I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
