She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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