That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Holy shit dude........stairs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
