I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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