When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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