I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
