found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
