Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
