You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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