Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
