the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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