I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
