youre lurking in front of me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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