Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
