No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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