I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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