Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
