I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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