Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We need to get me chipped asap
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
