how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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