Kiss
Puke
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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