as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
