you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
