if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
