I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
