I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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