we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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