porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
