Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
