dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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