He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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