The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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