So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
