how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
