when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
