I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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