I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
