On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
