but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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