Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
