New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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