im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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