You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
