if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
