Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
