There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
