As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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