Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
