i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
