and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
