i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
