she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
