And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
