did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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