He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
