Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
