We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
