if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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