So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
