it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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